BackBlast 013 – Growing Pains V1

A beautiful June morning eventually greeted 8 eager PAX, including 1 FNG, as we arrived at the park adjacent to the zoo.  An odd feeling of gratefulness struck the Q as all of us beasts milled about so freely, in such close proximity to those animals behind the bars who are less fortunate than us.  The weather had been kind to us and along with the overcast sky a solid dusting of rain just prior to our arrival ensured we would be refreshed later in the morning.

The Core Principles of F3 were recited to 7 PAX (RidgeCrest, Mad Cow, SpongeBob, Pac-Man, Forest, Roid Rage, and Dungeon Master (VQ) , along with the usual disclaimer,  and we moseyed off to a gentle pasture to begin.


20 SSH
20 Heisman’s

A brief interruption ensued during our Heisman’s causing the Q to lose his count and muddy his composure, and yet the welcoming of an FNG is of far greater import than a precise count. Beside, we just added extra to make sure we didn’t short change anyone.

20 Puncher’s Spares (jab/jab/cross/cross)
50yd Sprint

The Thang

It has been written that if you train up a child in the way he should go, that he will not depart from it.  As such, I felt it imperative to take the PAX through several stages of development via specific exercises to ensure they went through each stage with maximum benefit .  Thus laying the foundation for healthy, productive, and free lives.


Newborn – As is true for the freshest of new hoomans, the PAX had to resort to simple exercises while on their bellies. 25 Superman Swims (arms and legs extended of the ground while on stomach, arms bought back in an arc to the sides with legs curled up to the lower back), 25 leg lifts, and 25 LBC’s with a coupon on the chest to ensure proper form and adequate resistance.  To simulate the reaching arms of a child for it’s mother, the PAX completed a modified coupon press x30 (Coupon press with significant pauses at half-mast and and inch above the chest).  The PAX echoed their approval of this new exercise via grunt and heavy breathing.

Infant – Learning to raise one’s self to greet the world is an important stage of development needed for stable functioning which the PAX learned via Planks (Progressive 60 count), Elbow planks (progressive 60 count), back planks (progressive 30 count), and 50 progressive count diamond merkins with alternating planks for “rest”.

Crawler – Mobility is a key to life and survival, and the PAX gleefully attacked the tasks at hand.  40yd inchworm w/ merkins, followed by 15 diamond merkins.   Turning back to our starting line a 40yd lunge course was begun, but completed entirely on the tip-toes to target those pesky muscles that never seem to get enough work. A quick mosey to the ropes north of our location afforded the chance to strengthen our crawling skills by working our way in a weaving pattern under the rope fence; 3 merkins were graciously granted for every accidental rope touch.

Learning to Stand – 20 Monkey Humpers in honor of our zoo compatriots,  25 squats with a coupon, 5 Chair squats with a coupon thrown in for extra value, and 10 pistol squats each leg to ensure adequate growth.

Learning to Run – 40yd high knees followed by 15 diamond merkins (at this point I really had to question some of the geometry knowledge of the PAX given the questionable condition of the diamonds, but that is a lesson for a different time). 40yd straight-leg/goose-step followed by 15 diamond merkins. 40 yd shuffle with the requisite 15 merkin capper, and finished by a 40yd shuttle accompanied by 15 of our good friends called diamond merkin.

With time quickly slipping away from us we skipped a few arm exercises (to the joy of many a PAX), and moseyed to the shovel flag for one last bit of fun.

Learning to Play – With Frisbee in hand the Q let loose a mighty toss and all PAX gave chance. Upon arrival at the disc, all PAX planked until the last of us arrived ensuring no man was left behind. Once all present, a synchronous 5 diamond merkins celebrated the capture of our prey… And then the Q promptly grabbed the disc and launched it again. 3 such cycles were completed (less than hoped for) when the church bell indicated we had learned enough for the day. One last toss brought us back to the shovel flag again.

Circle of Trust (For some odd reason completed while seated today)

FNG dubbed as Swayze to many cheers and celebratory hoots.


Radio interview for Ridgecrest today at 10am, arranged in part by Mad Cow

Mad Cow and SpongeBob regaled us with opportunities to participate in the state games regardless of our skill level.

SpongeBob promoted to Q-coordinator for the Stairs AO.


  • No merlot splashes at today’s adventure, something not true of our last zoo expedition.
  • Despite some missteps in counting and a mismanagement of time the PAX were quite gentle for my VQ. Much appreciated lads!
  • I’m fairly certain we left to many merkins out on the field. Oh well, there is always next time.