AO: Johnson Park
Workout Date: 03/28/2022
QIC: Kraut
PAX: Ralphie, Chubbs, BasicBro, Gravy, Toto, Bald Eagle, Snoop, Mad Cow
Pre-Blast: YHC is QIC at Johnson Park on Monday. The plan had been a casual run exploring the trails beyond Mount Ralphie, but now I have to get you all to vote on the difficulty and creativity of my workout, so coupons are required. Show up and be ready to see just how creative YHC can be! HCs?

5 Core Principles: Free of charge | Open to all men | Held outdoors, rain or shine, hot or cold | Led by men who participate in the workout in a rotating fashion with no training or certification necessary | End w/ a Circle of Trust

Qs Note: Bald Eagle proclaimed that for the Elite 8 of the F3GR March Madness Bracket, Qs would be rated for difficulty, preparedness, and creativity. As such, YHC threw out the original plan and came up with something completely ridiculous and intentionally confusing. Only about 20% of the workout was planned at the start so that the Q could let the flow of the morning drive the insanity.  The back blast below is vaguely similar to what actually happened.

Opening Words

YHC informed the Pax of the title of the workout: TRUE AMERICAN MURDER EAGLE FANG DEATH RACE, informed them that it was intentionally planned to be confusing, and asked if anyone had seen the TV Show New Girl.

TRUE AMERICAN: At any point during the workout, any pax can yell “JFK” and the rest of the pax must yell “FDR” and run up the hill to the street.

Freedom Eagle Capri Lap – All pax run a capri lap while doing overhead claps and making eagle screams
Freedom Eagle Hops – The Q counts the 1s and 3s of SSH, and the pax respond with eagle cries on the 2 and 4. Continue until the Q is satisfied with the intensity of the eagle cries

The Thang
Pile all of the coupons in the middle and ask for two volunteer captains from the pax. Number off in 1s and 2s and form up as teams.

Each team has to move as many coupons as possible to a marker a few parking spots down. Only one pax can move a coupon at any time, and movement is done be doing a MURDER EAGLE, which was defined as a murder bunny, then a kraken burpee with eagle cries on the hand releases. Winning team is the team who gets the most coupons to their side. If a team felt like it was falling behind, the captain could challenge the other captain to plank paper scissors (rock paper scissors while planking), winner of three rounds had no penalty, loser’s team had to do 5 kraken eagle burpees. Pax who were not doing MURDER EAGLES did AMRAP 10 Eagle Straddle Hops and 10 Eagle Clap Squats (squat w/ OH clap and eagle cry).


Continue the race until one team has all of the coupons. JFK! FDR!

Round 2: Two new Captains, school yard kickball rules, pick your teams.  Pax must do AMRAP 10 merkins and 10 BBS while one pax farmer carries a coupon to a marker, taking one squat with each step. JFK! FDR! JFK! FDR! JFK! FDR! Plank Paper Scissors rule still stands

Continue until one team has more coupons or is done. JFK! FDR!

Round 3: Two new captains, school yard kickball teams again. Pax are doing 10 flutters and 10 lunges while one pax bear crawls to the coupons and bear crawl drags one back. JFK! FDR!

Continue until one team has more or finishes! JFK! FDR!

Round 4: Pax were instructed to line up in the plank position facing another pax and do plank paper scissors. Winners and losers were the teams for the next round, Teams were told to take the total of the teams age and had to complete that many squats. One pax had to OH carry a coupon out a distance while the others squated. Continue until all coupons moved and reps done. JFK! FDR!

Round 5: New teams based on Plank Paper Scissors again. Pax were instructed to take the total of the MONTH that they were born in and do that many thrusters, while one of the pax ran down to the other team and taunted them. JFK! FDR!

Round 6: New teams based on plank paper scissors, pax were instructed to take the total of the DATE they were born on, and do that many merkins, while one pax did something that I don’t remember, maybe running? JFK! FDR! Continue until done.

Round 7: Pax did plank paper scissors again, but this time teams were decided based on whatever the pax threw (rock, paper, or scissors) in the last round. There were now three teams, and the Pax were instructed to JFK! FDR! do as many mountain climbers as the total of the MONTH and DATE of the pax on the team. While doing MCs, one pax would bear crawl to the coupons and take one back to the team. Pax continued this until there were no coupons left in the piles, at which point the Q informed them that they could steal coupons from other groups until a group finished it’s mountain climbers (coupons could not be stolen if they were done).

Chaos insued





Auf Wiedersehen – Kraut